Authors Genuine Confession: Why I Need to Write

I’ve always had a thing for writing. For me, it’s the only way I can express myself comfortably. I’m not good with speaking. I always seem to say the wrong thing, or use the wrong tone, or, I don’t know, say the right thing but at the wrong time. It just feels too complicated to me.

But, when I write, the words flow with ease and speed. I don’t second guess myself and I know I can always come back and change things. Perhaps it’s the security of that which appeals to me?

The greatest disappointment of my life and the one that’s caused me the most pain, is the fact that I am childless by circumstance, not by choice. It took me a long time to face up to that and I tried everything I could to avoid it. But, eventually, there was no running away from it.

I’ve lived with Depression since childhood, so I am well-versed in coping techniques. I don’t always remember to use them, but I do know a whole bunch of them. When I finally admitted to myself that I would never be a mother, I actively looked for ways to cope. I knew if I didn’t, I would give in to the Depression and that was only ever going to end one way for me.

At that time, I’d been working in mental health for over twenty years so I decided to do what I had been telling my clients for years. I started to write again as a form of therapy. I’d not done much in the last few years, I’d been busy with other activities like partying and wasting time on some loser ex’s.

I Decided to Write a Vampire Novel

I knew I wasn’t ready to write about my feelings of being childless yet, so I decided to write a novel. More specifically, a vampire novel. When I was a kid I’d read the classic vampire stories but after that, I struggled to find anything new that wasn’t just a love story disguised as a vampire tale. I promised myself back then that when I grew up, I would write a vampire story that I would be happy to read.

So, that’s what I did and I have to say, there’s something very satisfying about creating violent and blood-soaked ends for people who may or may not deserve it. I haven’t published that book yet, but I will at some stage. It needs some work and I have other stories to tell right now.

And tell them I will. I want to entertain but I also want to educate. Not in a preachy way, or a movie of the week way. With all my books, you’ll find at least one character who’s managing a mental illness. Usually Depression, but I will talk about others.

I’m on a mission, you see. I’m on a mission to reduce the global suicide to zero and I think the way to do that, is to build a world where we celebrate differences rather than denigrate them. And what could be more different than a vampire?

Suicide is a global problem. One that needs to be talked about. Certainly the medical system’s approach to this problem here in New Zealand is to ignore it and hope it goes away. There’s a fear that if we say the word “suicide” aloud, half a dozen teenagers will immediately overdose.

We Need to do Something About the Suicide Rate

It’s ridiculous. If that was the right way to handle this problem then the suicide rate would have gone down. It hasn’t. Instead we have more and more people dying, being prescribed anti-depressants and living with extreme anxiety.

It doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t be this way but nothing will change if we don’t each stand up and do something about it.

We need to create a society where people are encouraged to talk about how shitty they feel. A society where the phrase “How are you?” is a genuine question and not just a casual greeting. A society where a different way of thinking, living, doing, and expressing ourselves is something to be celebrated.

And none of this is as hard as we think. It starts with those of us who live with Depression feeling brave enough and safe enough to tell our stories. Over and over again until others understand. It starts with those who don’t live with Depression being willing to listen and treat those with mental illness just like everybody else.

We can build this world, I know we can. It will take effort and perseverance but can you imagine the rewards?

I said I wasn’t going to get preachy, didn’t I? And I won’t in the books. My blog however, is a bit different. Here’s where I write about the things that I’m passionate about and if you can’t tell, I’m passionate about living well with mental illness. In whatever “living well” means to you.

If you’d like to know more about my own Depression coping techniques, here’s where you can get a copy of my ebook, Depression; Sucks.